remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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