why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
