i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just threw up on my dentist
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
