i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize