it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
