I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
