My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
