I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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