I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
