i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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