No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
