im gay
i know
yea but for you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
