I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
