You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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