I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
