I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
