Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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