i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
please come you make the beer taste better
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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