how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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