I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it glows. i had to have it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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