Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
