I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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