I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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