If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
