Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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