So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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