Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
