So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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