Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
