Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
