Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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