Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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