I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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