The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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