i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe