his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Houston, we have a squirter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag