you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*