Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship