I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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