Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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