He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
