I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet