haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...