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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

  (630): View more from Illinois

  savin' lives aint cheap

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

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• (951): View more from California

  I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...

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