bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
