We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
