dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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