I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
