i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
