i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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