So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
