The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pooping to opera.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
