he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
