no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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