I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
