he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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