Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
