it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
