Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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