3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will be naked everywhere
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
