these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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