a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
