Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
