Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
