Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
