She's JV to your varsity
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need water and some morals
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
