4 words: hood of his car
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont even know how to be here
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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