Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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