you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
