just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
