It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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