i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
