yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
