I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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